Sweet Pea Journey

I am a shy person, sucks really bad at saying no to others (even telemarketers, they have such a hard life because people are rude and mean to them all day long), I am terrible at arguing with others to fight for what I want, I still am. Let me give you an example, back when I was in high school, I would rather not get an ice cream with my parents’ money, if I had to be the one walking into the store and buying it. It was not because of laziness, it was because I was extremely shy, I was avoiding talking to strangers at all cost.

I have been pushing myself since I left China back in 2003. I knew, I had to talk to people, even strangers to learn western culture. I knew I did not want to live a Chinese life in Canada (yes, I was in Canada for 3 years!) or United States. I hated phone calls with a passion. Probably because I was not confident in my English that I’d prefer to have face to face interaction, so I could tell if I misunderstood people through body languages. Even today, I got better, but I prefer talking to people face to face over phone.

Ever since I kicked off my website, I have been pushing myself. I am taking online classes, learning how to succeed in my business, in my financial-free goal. At the end of the day, that’s what I want, the capability to spend more time with kids, grand kids, leave them a legacy, showing them no matter what happens, we can bounce back, stronger than ever. Mommy did it, so can they.

To be honest, at the beginning of the lay off, I had no clue what I wanted to do, my mind was occupied in panic mode. So many what ifs became reality. I panicked, because I did not take action when there was an idea of my financial plan B, even though I knew this lay off was coming. I was intentionally keeping myself busy with other unimportant things, hoping the inevitable would not become reality. The lay off was a huge financial impact, a huge wake up call. I remembered I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone when I first left China to blend into western society. I considered myself did a great job. I have tons of English-speaking friends, more than Chinese speaking friends. I am very comfortable with Canadian and American culture. A lot of the times, I even forget that I look Asian, different from the rest of the crowd.

But today, I made another leap on pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Frankly, I was scared to death. I think I heard my voice shaking a bit as well. Haha. It was so embarrassing, but I was so lucky, the people I was talking to were extremely nice and welcoming. They made me feel so grateful and I can’t express how happy I did it. Let me tell you what happened.

Like I mentioned on my Facebook page SweetPeaJourney a couple of days ago, that I am hosting my cooking classes soon. I have been pushing myself to look for a venue. I did very awkward phone calls, left numerous voice mails, talked to a handful of people. I had some promising leads, some did not work out. But I had one more place I really wanted to try. I left voice mails with no luck for a call back for 2 days. It’s a wine place, I have been there twice, loved the environment, the comfortable settings, the manager was super nice and knowledgeable about her wine selections. I wanted to talk to them and see if they were interested in letting me using their venue, and maybe provide them with new clientele.

I was hanging out with kids and friends at a kid place next to the wine place I was trying to get hold of. We were leaving the parking lot, passing by the wine place. An SUV pulled in front of us, and parked right outside the wine bar. A man walked out and opened the door, and a second car pulled up, that’s the super friendly and knowledgeable lady working there! My friend and I have been talking about coming to this place when I don’t have kids.

We looked at each other, WHAT ARE THE ODDS that we bumped into the owners! My friend said, you need to go and talk to them. I was scared to death, I mean look at me, hair up in a messy bun with a hair clip, tank top with no sleeves, shorts with flip-flops, cross body mom purse with no business cards or resumes… In other words, I not only did not dress professional, nor came prepared. How the heck would I be able to talk to again, total strangers into listen to what I had to say? But this is such a rare opportunity! I was hesitating, swaying back and forth, excited but scared. My friend said to me: you only grow when you push yourself out of your comfort zone. I will watch the kids, don’t worry. My heart won the battle, heck, the worst they would say is no. But if I don’t ask, I will never receive.

I knocked on the door, peaked inside the dark glass. The lady waved me inside. The man sat by the bar. Timidly, I asked “Hi there, do you guys have a couple of minutes?” Such a terrible opening line, I know. Luckily they were super friendly, they were probably thinking, what an Asian lady dressed like this could possibly want from us? I walked in, introduced myself and told them what my idea was. Surprisingly they were super interested. We talked and laughed, I felt my leg shaking a bit even though I was half way sitting on a bar stool. I had nothing to give them, except for telling them about my website. They both went straight to their phone. The man showed his phone to me, asking, that’s you? Yep, that’s the silly retro selfie blog.. ha, embarrassing but funny at the same time. They liked the idea, we brain-stormed for a good 15 minutes. They invited me over again this Thursday to meet their suppliers and some regular customers. I was so excited and pumped! This could be it!

The rest of the day, I have been indescribably excited and kept repeating I couldn’t believe it! Kids were wondering what’s wrong with mommy… I was once again, proud to teach them another lesson, that mommy did something that I was super scared of, and I am proud of myself taking this step, it could be a disaster, but it can also be the turning point of our new life. I am beyond grateful for nice people in this world, for friends’ presence and support when I was at my mental lowest point, for my kiddos unconditional love and holding me accountable on everything I want to teach them. I have to be their example, before I can push them out of their comfort zone so they can succeed.

If you don’t try everything you can think of, you have not tried your absolute best. Fear is very real, but fear should never be in charge of your decision. I know it’s easy to say, but let’s all hold each other accountable, push each other out of the comfort zone, that’s when miracles happen and history made. I am proud of myself today, and one day, my kids will be proud of me too.