Lay off

Yes, that happened to me, after 10 years, 3 months and 17 days of working in oil and gas industry in Houston.

I knew it would happen because of what I was going through put a strict limitation on my mobility for an unknown length of time. Oil and Gas industry has been really bad in Houston for a good 2, 3 years now, and tons of people have lost their job one way or the other, along the way. I have been pretty sentimental to see people got let go, some expected, some shocking. I have always been sad about the situation, knowing some of them have to leave the country due to visa, some are the only financial support for their spouse and kids. Every time someone I know got laid off, I wanted to reach out but didn’t know what to say really…so days go by and before you know it, someone else is gone.

So it finally caught up to me. It’s such a weird feeling. Even though I knew it’s coming my way, and frankly, been quite surprised how much my bosses have been encouraging me and sheltering me and with my special situation and the fact that I kept my job for almost 9 months in this mess. I feel like my life in the past couple years has been like a crazy terrible movie story, so bad that if you watch it for 5 minutes, you would probably say this is too exaggerated that it can’t be real. I am beyond grateful, that my bosses, coworkers and friends, who know what I am going through, have been extremely supportive of me through this journey. I wouldn’t be where I am today, financially, physically or emotionally without these wonderful people around me.

I am grateful. I am also sad. I knew I had to put an end to a career that requires travel as much as mine did. I knew I had to make a pretty huge change in my life. It’s a scary change. I am in the middle of a divorce, have 2 kids, don’t really know nothing but subsea installation, after all, that’s the only thing I have done for over a decade. What else can be remotely related to laying pipe on the seabed? I have been bouncing ideas with a handful of very close friends recently. My passion lies in culinary, and old lady type arts and crafts. Some encouraged me to just quit my job and jump straight into something I love to do. I was scared, I was afraid of all the what-ifs. My job became boring because I lost the most fulfilling part of it, the part where you get to see all your hard work become reality, or see with your own eyes, what worked, what doesn’t and learn how to improve it next time. I did lose my motivation quite a bit, but I am a person who takes pride in what I do, and no matter what I do, I don’t like doing a bad job. So, at the end of the day, even the expected lay off, made my heart sink. I put on a smile in front of my kids, my parents and my friends. But deep down, I felt like a failure. I do not believe it was my fault, I do not believe I did such a horrible job that my company had to let me go. I believe it was the limitation on what I could do and should be doing that cost me the job and sense of I did a good job. Even though I knew I needed to put a period to the whole decade of “subsea installation”, I didn’t want to end it the way it did. I didn’t get to choose to end it. That’s what hurt me the most.

I cried a few times, after the kids went to bed and my light was turned off, I cried when I was on the phone telling people I care about, I held back my tears when I told my parents about it. I couldn’t let them see me cry. I wanted them to be proud of me all my life. Maybe I was too hard on myself, but the sadness was undeniable. But I was also happy when so many of my friends and coworkers texted me and called me sending me leads of other jobs and setting me up with new connections. I feel I wasn’t as bad of a friend or employee. I feel I still have a reputation. I feel like this isn’t all that bad.

It’s so brutally true, the world will keep on turning regardless what happens. I had to make necessary changes, I had to pick my spirit up and look at the bright side. Now the decision is made for me, I didn’t get to choose how and when to end my chapter, but now it’s ended, and it’s my chance to go all-in on what I want to do and what I am truly passionate about. If this never happened, I would probably still be weighing my options and be scared about making the change, and may possibly never get to do what I love. This is also a good life lesson for the kids, life won’t be all smooth, what matters is, we can get through it together and being sad or blaming others doesn’t help. I get to spend more time with my kids and my parents, either one won’t be forever. I literally have nothing else to lose, the good thing about getting to the rock bottom is, there is only one way to go – up!