Sweet Pea Journey

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Category: Life and random things

Life and random things

What makes you happy?

This seems like an easy question to some, but a lot of us are so lost in our daily routine, getting or already got so numb about the agenda. Especially if you are like me, have kids, pets, and have something major going on in life. Quite often, we are used to eliminate ourselves from the priority list. It’s like we are here to please others, others we love and care about, or have to at least pretend that we do (you know you can think of a few too).

For a long time, I knew I would be OK, I could survive. I was willing to sacrifice myself for everyone else around me. I was willingly putting myself at the bottom of the never ending list, and I wasn’t complaining. I never realized that 80% of the chit chat I had with my besties were about kids, 20% was to air out. Some of my besties are the same way. We talked about kids, husbands, fights, tiffs, and rarely sweet moments. I knew this but refused to believe it, those chit chats are my outs a lot of the times, we vented to each other, we cried at restaurants during lunch breaks, we laughed so hard I swear I peed my pants a little a couple times. But none of that happiness was about ourselves, about what makes us happy, about what WE want to do. Our emotion was completely surrendered to the people around us.

It’s funny, it took a lot longer for me to adjust to having extra time on hand. I was told by a few good friends, I look so much happier than I was for a long time, for years, they said. I was shocked at first. But I have to agree. I was never on my own agenda for over a decade. But now, with this extra time, I started taking care of myself. I am finally able to do things I always day dreamed about doing, or kept telling myself, one day, when I have time…

I like where I am now, simply by doing some things I wanted to do, feeling free, finally hanging out with people I always wanted to, and doing things for the first time. I feel like I am 25 again!

Happiness is taking care of yourself, look out for what makes you feel you. If someone doesn’t care to make you happy, move on. Don’t keep bending backwards and hope one day people will appreciate you sacrificing yourself. Sadly, a lot of us are walking this route, but it doesn’t really lead us anywhere. Pave your own path, find your own happiness, and I am sure you will be wonderfully surprised that your path will cross so many amazing people’s.

Life and random things

State Capitol

After almost 12 years since I came to live in Houston, I finally made my way to the State Capitol in Austin, Texas, thanks to my daughter’s audition nearby.

It was a super nice day, low 70’s, sunny, light breeze. So, I took my dad and the kids to go visit the State Capitol. We walked into a big park. Immediately, we were wooing and wowing, cellphone was pulled out, selfie time with the kids. Think my dad already wandered off and started taking pictures of random sights.

On the walk towards the capitol visitor center, we saw school buses were around, kids in school uniforms were here for field trips. Some people are having picnics under the trees, some are taking a casual stroll around the park. What a sight! My little goof balls went crazy, they ran up and down the hills, lied down on the lawn giggling, soaking up the sun and chasing the squirrels. My heart melted watching these priceless faces.

So many statues in the park, you can’t help but feel the history of Texas seeping into your bones. Details on each statue are just stunning. I couldn’t resist the urge to snap a few pictures.

We finally made our way towards the visitor center. After security, I looked up, so did the kids. I will save my words here, just share a few pictures. Of course, a short video of my little dancer feeling the music.

For days I kept thinking, what have I done in the past 12 years and what have I missed? I have been so busy with everything I thought was important, have I made the most dangerous mistake of keeping myself so occupied and not doing what I really want to do, but hoping that one day I will eventually be able to do what I really want to do? I have always said that I love to see the world. After I have been in Texas for 12 years, I finally made it to the capital city, which is only a little more than 2 hour drive away? What was my excuse? I have to admit, if I didn’t have extra time on hand now, if it wasn’t for my daughter’s audition, I may quite likely wait for another 12 years before I can make a trip to Austin. But, it’s not too late, I need to do something to change that. I have one life, I want to live it to the fullest. If you know me in person, you would know this doesn’t really sound like me. But I want to be the example for my kids, no matter what happens in life, don’t make excuses, step out of our comfort zone, we can not only make it through, and we can make it a fabulous experience. When they go through a hard time in life, I want them to be able to say, my mom made it, I can too.

Life and random things

Lay off

Yes, that happened to me, after 10 years, 3 months and 17 days of working in oil and gas industry in Houston.

I knew it would happen because of what I was going through put a strict limitation on my mobility for an unknown length of time. Oil and Gas industry has been really bad in Houston for a good 2, 3 years now, and tons of people have lost their job one way or the other, along the way. I have been pretty sentimental to see people got let go, some expected, some shocking. I have always been sad about the situation, knowing some of them have to leave the country due to visa, some are the only financial support for their spouse and kids. Every time someone I know got laid off, I wanted to reach out but didn’t know what to say really…so days go by and before you know it, someone else is gone.

So it finally caught up to me. It’s such a weird feeling. Even though I knew it’s coming my way, and frankly, been quite surprised how much my bosses have been encouraging me and sheltering me and with my special situation and the fact that I kept my job for almost 9 months in this mess. I feel like my life in the past couple years has been like a crazy terrible movie story, so bad that if you watch it for 5 minutes, you would probably say this is too exaggerated that it can’t be real. I am beyond grateful, that my bosses, coworkers and friends, who know what I am going through, have been extremely supportive of me through this journey. I wouldn’t be where I am today, financially, physically or emotionally without these wonderful people around me.

I am grateful. I am also sad. I knew I had to put an end to a career that requires travel as much as mine did. I knew I had to make a pretty huge change in my life. It’s a scary change. I am in the middle of a divorce, have 2 kids, don’t really know nothing but subsea installation, after all, that’s the only thing I have done for over a decade. What else can be remotely related to laying pipe on the seabed? I have been bouncing ideas with a handful of very close friends recently. My passion lies in culinary, and old lady type arts and crafts. Some encouraged me to just quit my job and jump straight into something I love to do. I was scared, I was afraid of all the what-ifs. My job became boring because I lost the most fulfilling part of it, the part where you get to see all your hard work become reality, or see with your own eyes, what worked, what doesn’t and learn how to improve it next time. I did lose my motivation quite a bit, but I am a person who takes pride in what I do, and no matter what I do, I don’t like doing a bad job. So, at the end of the day, even the expected lay off, made my heart sink. I put on a smile in front of my kids, my parents and my friends. But deep down, I felt like a failure. I do not believe it was my fault, I do not believe I did such a horrible job that my company had to let me go. I believe it was the limitation on what I could do and should be doing that cost me the job and sense of I did a good job. Even though I knew I needed to put a period to the whole decade of “subsea installation”, I didn’t want to end it the way it did. I didn’t get to choose to end it. That’s what hurt me the most.

I cried a few times, after the kids went to bed and my light was turned off, I cried when I was on the phone telling people I care about, I held back my tears when I told my parents about it. I couldn’t let them see me cry. I wanted them to be proud of me all my life. Maybe I was too hard on myself, but the sadness was undeniable. But I was also happy when so many of my friends and coworkers texted me and called me sending me leads of other jobs and setting me up with new connections. I feel I wasn’t as bad of a friend or employee. I feel I still have a reputation. I feel like this isn’t all that bad.

It’s so brutally true, the world will keep on turning regardless what happens. I had to make necessary changes, I had to pick my spirit up and look at the bright side. Now the decision is made for me, I didn’t get to choose how and when to end my chapter, but now it’s ended, and it’s my chance to go all-in on what I want to do and what I am truly passionate about. If this never happened, I would probably still be weighing my options and be scared about making the change, and may possibly never get to do what I love. This is also a good life lesson for the kids, life won’t be all smooth, what matters is, we can get through it together and being sad or blaming others doesn’t help. I get to spend more time with my kids and my parents, either one won’t be forever. I literally have nothing else to lose, the good thing about getting to the rock bottom is, there is only one way to go – up!