Sweet Pea Journey

Family, Friendship, Food, Fun and Everything in Between!

Category: Life and random things

Life and random things

Sweet Crepe Tasting

I am testing recipes for sweet and savory crepes. Did sweet version yesterday. Last minute idea and decision. Grabbed a few friends live nearby as judges and we brain stormed on ingredients, presentations, flavor combo… Such a fun time! Kids went crazy playing too. Love my friends!

I made a few variations of crepe batters and fillings and toppings:

4 kinds of batter:

batter with grand marnier, batter with rum, plain batter and chocolate with espresso

Fillings and toppings:

Lemon ricotta filling with blueberry syrup topping

Cinnamon mascarpone

Strawberry mascarpone and cream cheese

Very berry sauce

Home made apricot jam

whipped cream and cream cheese filling

Here are some in progress pictures, everyone’s creation based on what they liked and after math.

 

Having fun tasting and creating

Can’t wait till my savory version tasting!

 

Life and random things

More Tests for Mom

2 more tests done today, first thing in the morning. Chest CT scan and spine X-ray… fingers crossed for good news! The following 2 days waiting period is going to be hard.

Kids were happy as usual, we played games, read books, braided each other’s hair, watched a bit news, waiting patiently in the waiting room this time due to radiation from X-ray. My mind was distracted, even with two super hyper little ones near me. It felt strangely unsettling.

 

Please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers…

Life and random things

You Grow When you Push Yourself Out of Comfort Zone

I am a shy person, sucks really bad at saying no to others (even telemarketers, they have such a hard life because people are rude and mean to them all day long), I am terrible at arguing with others to fight for what I want, I still am. Let me give you an example, back when I was in high school, I would rather not get an ice cream with my parents’ money, if I had to be the one walking into the store and buying it. It was not because of laziness, it was because I was extremely shy, I was avoiding talking to strangers at all cost.

I have been pushing myself since I left China back in 2003. I knew, I had to talk to people, even strangers to learn western culture. I knew I did not want to live a Chinese life in Canada (yes, I was in Canada for 3 years!) or United States. I hated phone calls with a passion. Probably because I was not confident in my English that I’d prefer to have face to face interaction, so I could tell if I misunderstood people through body languages. Even today, I got better, but I prefer talking to people face to face over phone.

Ever since I kicked off my website, I have been pushing myself. I am taking online classes, learning how to succeed in my business, in my financial-free goal. At the end of the day, that’s what I want, the capability to spend more time with kids, grand kids, leave them a legacy, showing them no matter what happens, we can bounce back, stronger than ever. Mommy did it, so can they.

To be honest, at the beginning of the lay off, I had no clue what I wanted to do, my mind was occupied in panic mode. So many what ifs became reality. I panicked, because I did not take action when there was an idea of my financial plan B, even though I knew this lay off was coming. I was intentionally keeping myself busy with other unimportant things, hoping the inevitable would not become reality. The lay off was a huge financial impact, a huge wake up call. I remembered I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone when I first left China to blend into western society. I considered myself did a great job. I have tons of English-speaking friends, more than Chinese speaking friends. I am very comfortable with Canadian and American culture. A lot of the times, I even forget that I look Asian, different from the rest of the crowd.

But today, I made another leap on pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Frankly, I was scared to death. I think I heard my voice shaking a bit as well. Haha. It was so embarrassing, but I was so lucky, the people I was talking to were extremely nice and welcoming. They made me feel so grateful and I can’t express how happy I did it. Let me tell you what happened.

Like I mentioned on my Facebook page SweetPeaJourney a couple of days ago, that I am hosting my cooking classes soon. I have been pushing myself to look for a venue. I did very awkward phone calls, left numerous voice mails, talked to a handful of people. I had some promising leads, some did not work out. But I had one more place I really wanted to try. I left voice mails with no luck for a call back for 2 days. It’s a wine place, I have been there twice, loved the environment, the comfortable settings, the manager was super nice and knowledgeable about her wine selections. I wanted to talk to them and see if they were interested in letting me using their venue, and maybe provide them with new clientele.

I was hanging out with kids and friends at a kid place next to the wine place I was trying to get hold of. We were leaving the parking lot, passing by the wine place. An SUV pulled in front of us, and parked right outside the wine bar. A man walked out and opened the door, and a second car pulled up, that’s the super friendly and knowledgeable lady working there! My friend and I have been talking about coming to this place when I don’t have kids.

We looked at each other, WHAT ARE THE ODDS that we bumped into the owners! My friend said, you need to go and talk to them. I was scared to death, I mean look at me, hair up in a messy bun with a hair clip, tank top with no sleeves, shorts with flip-flops, cross body mom purse with no business cards or resumes… In other words, I not only did not dress professional, nor came prepared. How the heck would I be able to talk to again, total strangers into listen to what I had to say? But this is such a rare opportunity! I was hesitating, swaying back and forth, excited but scared. My friend said to me: you only grow when you push yourself out of your comfort zone. I will watch the kids, don’t worry. My heart won the battle, heck, the worst they would say is no. But if I don’t ask, I will never receive.

I knocked on the door, peaked inside the dark glass. The lady waved me inside. The man sat by the bar. Timidly, I asked “Hi there, do you guys have a couple of minutes?” Such a terrible opening line, I know. Luckily they were super friendly, they were probably thinking, what an Asian lady dressed like this could possibly want from us? I walked in, introduced myself and told them what my idea was. Surprisingly they were super interested. We talked and laughed, I felt my leg shaking a bit even though I was half way sitting on a bar stool. I had nothing to give them, except for telling them about my website. They both went straight to their phone. The man showed his phone to me, asking, that’s you? Yep, that’s the silly retro selfie blog.. ha, embarrassing but funny at the same time. They liked the idea, we brain-stormed for a good 15 minutes. They invited me over again this Thursday to meet their suppliers and some regular customers. I was so excited and pumped! This could be it!

The rest of the day, I have been indescribably excited and kept repeating I couldn’t believe it! Kids were wondering what’s wrong with mommy… I was once again, proud to teach them another lesson, that mommy did something that I was super scared of, and I am proud of myself taking this step, it could be a disaster, but it can also be the turning point of our new life. I am beyond grateful for nice people in this world, for friends’ presence and support when I was at my mental lowest point, for my kiddos unconditional love and holding me accountable on everything I want to teach them. I have to be their example, before I can push them out of their comfort zone so they can succeed.

If you don’t try everything you can think of, you have not tried your absolute best. Fear is very real, but fear should never be in charge of your decision. I know it’s easy to say, but let’s all hold each other accountable, push each other out of the comfort zone, that’s when miracles happen and history made. I am proud of myself today, and one day, my kids will be proud of me too.

Life and random things

Great Day at the Beach

It was such an adventure to the beach. Let’s just say, we drove for about 3 hours, hit 2 down-pours and tried 2 beaches before we were able to sink our toes into the sand at last. But it was so worth it, because at the end of the day, it’s not the destination that matters, it’s the company and the journey that’s memorable.

Anyway, here are some views of jam-packed beach, where people are like sardines, and totally reminded me the pools in China.

I loved the waves washed up ashore, hit my toes, up to my knees. A few bigger waves got my dress soaked at the bottom, I watched the kids going nuts, jumping above waves, laying down floating along, just enjoying life. I couldn’t stop the big smile on my face.

I also loved people-watching. All kinds of people, old and young, families, old couples, young lovers, dog owners, little babies can barely walk…little tiny chihuahua was being dragged into the water, giant German Shepard hopping towards waves with his tongue hanging out. I wish I could take a mental picture of this day, where everyone is have a great time! Happiness is contagious!

The sunset on the way back was mesmerizing. My heart is peaceful!

Life and random things

My Very Own Meetup Group – Cooking with Passion

I am taking baby steps towards my passion, since the layoff. The layoff was certainly a HUGE impact on my finances, well, not as big as a divorce, but I lost my stability. I panicked, I cried, but thanks to tons of people who care about me, and the people I care about, I regained my courage to fight through my fear and doubt and started the journey to pursue my passion – cooking.

Taking baby steps, I started this website, I created the Facebook Page, set up my account on Twitter, Instagram, Google +, working on my blogs, I even applied a few jobs at bakery and in the kitchen! I am also in the process of finding venues to host my Meetup groups and I know, you are scratching your head like, really? Senior Engineer to a baker or cook? Yep, after 20 years, my passion still lies in culinary, same as when my parents asked me what I wanted to do as I graduated highschool in China.

And today, I took another step towards my dream, I created my very first Meetup Group – Cooking with Passion.

It’s so strangely exciting and even a little terrifying! If you know me, I hate public speaking. And here I am, pushing my comfort zone and hosting my Meetup Group? All these effort is leading to my goal – hosting my cooking classes. I can’t wait to share my experience in the kitchen with everyone. It really excites me when I talk about food and cooking.

Anyway, today I am proud of myself, for taking steady steps towards my goal. It’s about progress!

Life and random things

Mom’s Abdomen MRI with Contrast

Both my parents have health issues now. I guess it’s part of the life.

My mom has gone to the doctors twice, did two blood tests, one mammogram and one abdomen MRI with contrast within the past 3 weeks. It’s so unsettling.

Doctor visits are normal, I found a highly rated Chinese-speaking doctor near China town, so my mom feels more comfortable communicating, rather than me translating highly technical medical terms. Findings from blood test was not comforting, doctor requested a second blood test 2 days later, just in case something went wrong in the first test. Second test result came back, even worse than first test! Some tumor maker was too high. I know my mom’s heart was collapsing. My dad, in denial. He would not say anything, like the usual him, but keep the same routine every day.

Dreaded, we got up super early in the morning, headed towards the MRI location at 6 am. In my small Sentra, all three of us were quiet, the whole drive, for one solid hour. I put on a YouTube video about Joe Cross, who basically cured himself on auto-immune issues by juicing, which doctors told him there was no cure. I did not really play this video to prepare my mom. I was watching some of his videos and others’ about juicing myself lately. It was just on my phone. Once it started playing, I started listening. I could feel my mom was trying to listen as well, my dad, sitting in the back seat, had his arms crossed over his chest, eyes closed, head tiled back. I couldn’t really tell if he was bored or was in his “whatever” mode towards the video.

It was a long drive, we hit some traffic, not crazy lot. But man, I forgot how much I hated driving during rush hour but had no choice but sitting through it. That’s one of the things I did not really miss from those “working mom” days. As I was counting my blessings, listening to the juicing videos and getting pumped up, we arrived at the MRI location.

We were the first ones there at 7 am. Front desk lady barely put her purse down and sat down when we walked in. I signed her in quickly and looked around. Big waiting room, very nicely decorated, comfortable seating. First time, I noticed over sized chairs in any waiting area, about 1.5 times as wide as regular chairs in every corner of the sitting area. I couldn’t help but thought, these are for over weight people, who need to be on juicing diet! After all, I lost 4 lbs in 2 days of juicing. Shocking, I know! And I didn’t even feel hungry! We waited, still in silence. We could not hear anything, except the fainted news report on TV and everyone’s breathing. My mom was hugging her home-made purse, my dad had his arms crossed still.

The paramedic came out, in his blue scrub. He picked up a piece of paper, opened his mouth and paused, with a troubled face. I quickly said, that’s my mom, and taught him how to pronounce her name. He was super nice and let me accompany her and translate as needed. He asked if she was nervous. I said not really, about MRI, but about the reason why we are here in the first place. He looked at the doctor’s order and said, yeah I can see that. Well, good luck!

She changed into the cape, got her blood sample taken to test if her kidney is allergic to the dye, and we went into the MRI room. She laid down on the bed, three nurses came in. One main nurse in blue scrub put a blanket on my mom’s stomach, saying it’s really cold in here. Put this on, it will keep you a bit warmer. The other two nurses were in maroon scrubs, I couldn’t help but notice those “MD Anderson Cancer” logo on their chest, with a line through the word “Cancer”. My mind whispered in my own head, that’s right, we will cross out cancer! It doesn’t exist here, not in my mom. The nurses were super nice. They offered me a blanket too, but I was more nervous for my mom. I said no to the blanket, almost feel like I said no because I didn’t want my mom to think I was anywhere near being uncomfortable. There she was, laying on the bed, with both arms above her head, and an IV in her left arm, dangling, waiting for the blood test result before hooking up to the dye. I felt my heart cringe, and chills went up my spine. I am glad right after blood draw, I talked about the whole MRI process with her. I had a couple, for my knee and spine. She knows roughly what’s happening. The nurses adjusted her location and position, put another half cage sort of frame on her abdomen, topped with another blanket. Ear buds went in, then slowly, she was slid into the chamber. All the nurses reassured I was OK before leaving the room. I sat down in a chair in the corner of the room. MRI machine started making noises, I told her when to take in a deep breath, hold and relax, according to the prompt of the machine. After a couple of times, she got the hang of it. My mom was doing a great job inhaling, holding her breath and holding still. I found myself inhaling and holding breath with her, every single time. She probably had 30 sessions of holding breaths. Most holdings were about 20 seconds or less, the last 2 sessions were 47 seconds long. I thought she would not be able to do it, because only I could see how long the holding will be, from where I was sitting, all she knew was when to inhale and when to hold, she had no idea how long each hold had to be. I was nervous for her, hoping she would be able to make it and hold still. Otherwise the images would be blurry and have to be retaken.

Amazingly, my mom did it. Images came out very clear. I gave it an attempt to read the images. I know what they are, and which cross section of her body each image was showing, but I had no idea what to look for.. images will be sent to her doctor’s office and results would be available by early next week at the latest.

My parents have been through way too much, they are good people, sweet, kind, and trusting. Please keep my mother in your thoughts.

Life and random things

Juicing – Day 2

Day 1 was concluded not too bad. There were certainly a couple major challenges which put my will power to test. Especially when I stood by the stove, cooking for the kids and smelling the amazing Ramen noodles loaded with veggies.. man that’s THE thing I couldn’t stop thinking!

But I have to give myself a pad on the shoulders, resisted the urge to finish their bowls for them and lick the pot, I casually packed the leftovers away in a bowl and stowed away in the fridge. I don’t even know why, since I am not going to eat the noodles in near future, and the kids won’t be here today…

Bed time was easy too. I was so tired finishing up my blogs, I literally dozed off twice writing the last paragraph.

It’s 9:33 am on day 2. I am already done with my 16 oz morning juice breakfast. I filled up a water bottle with the green goodness, this is my task for today. Drink this whole thing, and tons of water. This time the juice is a bit spicier since I added cayenne pepper. It’s quite satisfying. I gotta say, I haven’t really felt  hunger much. In the morning, I also drank a bottle of water, and just out of habit, got a tall Starbucks with soy milk. Yep, no dairy in this cleanse / fast. Strangely, I took one sip, it still tastes like good old life blood, but I wasn’t really craving it. Normally I’d down that tall coffee in minutes, but this time, after about 3 hours, the cup is still sitting on the counter, I probably only drank 20%.

 

Lunch time, I cooked roasted veggies and simply boiled ribs for the family. Made widely popular letter pasta soup for the kids too. During the process, I also successfully sliced my pinkie, which haven’t happened for years. Ha. But amazingly, I didn’t have to pull much will power to fight against food, I was simply not hungry.

I know I know, my body can’t keep going without food, right? But if you think about it, the amount of nutrient in one cup of juice came from tons of vegetables. All 3 trillion cells in my body are super happy! Amazingly they don’t even get distracted by the amazing aroma in the house! Either way, just out of habit, and old mentality, I took one small banana. Small bites, and liquefied the banana in my mouth before swallowing it, so my stomach doesn’t really need to get activated again to digest.

So far so good! Day 2 is almost over, and tons of water and I will move on to drink a couple sips of store-bought 100% carrot juice before calling it a day.

Good night y’all!

Life and random things

Juicing – Day 1

Trying juicing for the first time, ever. I have been watching quite some videos on how others do juicing and benefits of juicing. In summary, juicing does all the wonders to your body, makes your skin less oily, teeth whiter, hair and nails stronger, more energetic, more sensitive to all the senses, improves overall wellness, weight loss…the list goes on and on. So, I decided to try it myself.

Day 1 is now over. This is what I have done.

Breakfast: 12 oz juice (recipe at the end of the blog)

AM: 2 glasses of water

Lunch: 12 oz of store bought juice (apple and kale)

PM: 2 glasses of water

Dinner: 8 oz of juice (more or less same as breakfast juice, but added guava,orange and more greens)

Dessert: 2 bites of a banana

This is how I felt throughout the day.

I didn’t feel hungry at all, until probably 7 pm. I wasn’t even starving then, but I felt like if I had some awesome Ramen noodles or a couple amazing tacos, I’d be super happy. The day was going by fast, I was busy, that probably helped. I did, however had to run out of the house during lunch time. My dad made such yummy chicken and vegetables, I could smell it from upstairs. I didn’t want to give in, so I grabbed my car key and drove to the store to buy more juice, in the pouring rain. But it was all worth it! As soon as I left the house, not only the temptation went away, I also felt proud of myself. As you know, I am a super foodie. It’s beyond hard to walk away from food.

Even was harder, I was making Ramen style noodles for the kids. I know, what was I thinking? That’s what I was day dreaming about, and now I have to watch it being made, with love, by me! I threw in extra noodles, knowing the kids won’t finish it. But I just had to. Every time I tasted the soup a bit to adjust seasoning, I almost felt the electric wave going through my body. Just kidding, it was tempting, but wasn’t that bad.

Other than hunger I felt there was a rough film kind of thing all over my teeth. My pearl whites were not slippery today, which was quite uncomfortable for me. I find myself keep playing with my teeth using my tongue, but as soon as I catch myself do that, I immediately felt the film on my teeth was disgusting. It’s nothing but the vegetables I used. But no one has seemed to mention this in their videos. Anyway, now you know.

I am successfully done with day 1, even with a dessert. Man, I savored that banana.. let me tell ya, I had the banana in my mouth for a long time, just in case that’s the last bite I am getting today. This gourmet banana tasted amazing, it’s the only solid food went into my mouth for the whole day! I certainly cherished it.

I feel a slight headache, but heard this is normal, and it’s my body flushing out the toxic elements. Anyway, I will talk to you in a day or so and see where I stand!

Juice recipe:

3 cucumbers, 1 bunch kale, 1 bunch spinach, 3 apples,  6 large carrots

All goes into a juicer and enjoy the liquid gold comes out of it! Ciao!

Life and random things

Arguments

If you are or have been any sort of relationships, you have argued. I too, have had my fair share of arguments. It’s not until recent years, I have really started looking into myself, what could I have done differently so little things, some times stupid small things wouldn’t blow up like the end of the world? I know it’s hard to dig into ourselves, it almost feel like admitting that you were at fault, and you were wrong, you were losing the argument. But at the end of the day, what is your end goal? Is it to win the argument, or to prevent small disagreement from blowing up again and hurt your loved ones?

I have read so many articles, watched so many videos, even been to therapy trying to find out what I could do to change things. Ironically, according to my therapist, I did everything I could for that particular relationship… but that will not stop me from looking within myself for the future. When frustration and anger ceases a person, the mind can easily go wild and emphasizes and even exaggerates and pulls all negative conclusions. I have been there too. For months, I have been practicing chilling my emotions. It’s hard, I have to admit. I still cry, still want to curl up under the blanket at times, still wet my pillow with tears. But the goal is to reduce this, calmly examine the argument and find out the root cause and come up with a solution to resolve it peacefully and really fix the issue, rather than masking the problem. I learned my lesson, masking the problem or pretend it’s not really an issue is not an option, it will blow up in your face another time, but way stronger.

I am not a relationship expert by any means, but I have a few tips that I think may be helpful in your relationship and resolve arguments based on my own experience and people around me, if you are not already doing so:

  1. Identify your own emotions, and what triggers them. Really, this is the only way to understand and control your emotions and prevent it from going out of control. Do this with your significant other, so it’s clearly understood between the two of you what’s off the limits. This is going to be a brave move. It requires courage and trust, and completely put yourself out there. This can prevent each other accidentally “push the buttons” during an argument, this can also end a relationship quickly. To me, if you can’t put yourself out there and dive into a relationship fully, if you have to hold back a little, constantly thinking “what ifs”, you might as well don’t get into this relationship. It will not last. No one wants to be with someone one foot in, one foot out. Hence, no matter how much I was hurt before, I will not hold myself back. One can argue that I am not learning my lessons. The truth is, no two people are the same. It’s not fair to keep a distance from person #2 because you got burned by person #1. The lessons you really should learn is to be able to identify the red flags at an earlier stage, before your heart is all poured out. Easily said than done, I know, but I am willing to take the risk. Just like Lady Antebellum’s song Need You Now goes, “guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all”, nailed it. After all, why stay in a half dead relationship while you don’t know how love and being loved feels like?
  2. Listen before talking. A lot of the times, arguments are really because of misunderstanding. Misunderstandings are quite often, that’s why there are so many tips and tricks on how to communicate clearly and effectively. However, if you are not even given a chance to clarify things, how can you clear anything up? I feel this is one of the leading cause of distance, at least in my experience. Misunderstanding went way too far and ridiculous before I was given a chance to speak, to the point I didn’t even feel like explaining anything any more.
  3. Keep your emotion in control, take a step back if needed. It’s so easy to draw a conclusion prematurely, in a negative way when a person is upset. For example, if the two of you planned to have lunch together at noon at your favorite restaurant. Your significant other is running late. It’s so easy to think that you are less important than whatever made him or her late. It almost feels natural to be upset because he or she broke the plan the two of you made hours ago. But instead of blowing up and accusing him or her not taking you seriously, take a step back, find out what made him or her late, calmly put yourself in his or her shoes and it may be a lot easier to understand the situation.
  4. Focus on the issue, not person. Personal attacks are the worst during an argument. Pay attention to how you approach an issue, instead of attacking your significant other as a person, such as irresponsible, not trust worthy, liar, lazy… try focus on what the actual matter is that is upsetting. If he or she left the shoes under the table instead of putting them away, instead of branding them to be lazy or messy, you can simply tell him or her that the shoes under the table are bothering you, and makes the room look messy. Can he or she put the shoes onto the shoe rack please.
  5. Really put yourself in his or her shoes. Double standards are so common, I am certain all of us do it from time to time. It’s very easy to point out other people’s flaws, but we are somehow blinded by our own. Before losing your temper, try put yourself in his or her shoes. If you were your spouse, how would you handle it? Things could be a lot easier and clearer. I can certainly appreciate a partner with this character, who can put himself in my shoes when we have disagreements.

All the above are very important things to follow, in my eyes. Like I said, I am no relationship expert, certainly had a couple really messed up ones myself. These are my personal experience and lessons learned. Hope some can be helpful to your relationships, and help you find your happily ever after.

Life and random things

People Around You

Too many people nowadays feel entitled. They feel they are entitled to things without having to earn them. I bet you can name a handful of people around you, who feel they deserve a promotion, while they don’t really know that much, or can’t even get along with co-workers; people who feel the other drivers sitting in the same traffic should let them cut in front of them, while they don’t even try to be nice and at least wave thanks; spouses think because they worked a 40-hour week, they should be able to be treated as the king or queen, while the other spouse should be taking care of everything else at any given time.

The list go on and on. Nowadays, way too many people have this mentality. As a result, when things don’t go their way, or they feel their entitled rights are not met, they become angry, towards people around them, towards the community, they feel the world is against them. They become bitter, jealous, they feel the need to release that anger and let others know they are not happy. Friendship are ruined, families are broken.

I have seen a lot of these examples, and have been through a few of these people in my life too. Sometimes it’s hard to face the fact that I made the wrong choice, in terms of who I let into my life, and people I love and myself are taken advantage of, and hurt. But at the end of the day, it’s a fortunate thing that the true color of people would eventually show through. It may be a painful process to cut out toxic people from your life, but your future self will be grateful you did.

Chaplain Ronnie Melancon said “Show Me Your Friends and I’ll Show You Your Future”. Didn’t your parents also tell you to choose your friends wisely? I remember getting mad at my mother when I was in high school, when she warned me to stay away from this one boy, he is bad news; and instead, hang out more with this girl. I was upset with her, I remember telling her “you don’t know nothing about him, you only met him once! And you only wanted me to be with boring bookworms!” I have to admit, I really liked her as a friend. As a matter of fact, we have been friends since junior high. I was a little jealous of her to be honest. She was always one of the top ones in my class. I was too, but I was never nearly as hard-working as her. My parents always compared me with her, and I was a bit jealous. At one point of time, I felt they would rather have her as their daughter, because she was so perfect in their eyes. In fact, they had high hopes of me, hoped they were encouraging me to study harder.

I was never careful enough to choose my friends. I believe, by default, people are good people, until they prove otherwise. I get burned this way. I always sucked at saying no to anyone. I always sucked at asking for favors, or bother anyone for anything. I am too trusting. I know this, but this is who I am. I also believed in earning, not entitling. I was raised earning my money by doing dishes, taking out trash, doing other chores around the house as a kid. I believed do a good job, and take pride in what I do. I always believed in doing what I am supposed to do and more, so when people remembered me, they would say, yes, she is a good person. I never really put two and two together, I mean, my friends, and my future, until probably a month ago, from a seminar I went to. The speaker asked everyone to think of five people in our lives, that we spend most of our time with. I went through my five people list. Then he said, take the average of these five people, that’s where you will more than likely end up with. Immediately, I felt such a relief. I am nowhere at the peak of my life, probably the rock bottom in fact. But I see hope, I see where I would be based on my five people list. I feel this is meant to be. My current top fives are happy, generous, positive people, who believes doing the right thing, continuous self-development, and help others in need. I share the same values with these five people, from how to raise kids to encouraging each other rather than comparing what we have. I feel alive again. One of my close friends said to me the other day, “it’s so weird, it’s like your life just got hit by a sh!t storm, but you are actually way happier than before!” It’s true, I don’t understand that either, I guess the only difference is who I have on my top five list.

In fact, it was hard to come up with my top five. During the seminar, I kinda cheated. Instead of coming up with my top five, I came up with my top 10, or more, simply because I couldn’t really draw a line between 5th and 6th, 7th… person came to my mind. I am beyond grateful I have a large friends group. During the hard times, I have so many friends who reached out to me and offered all kinds of help they can think of. I feel I have done something right. I want to pass the value on to my kids, I want them to be good people, earn rewards rather than feel entitled. I know this is going to be a life long journey, and we all will encounter highs and lows in our lives, and sometimes it is so much easier to blame others and the society. But I am excited and grateful to have all these positive people around me and I am lucky enough to call friends, and go through this journey together.