Birthday Thoughts

Yes, I am one year older today. To me, it’s just another day.

Woke up to a wonderful birthday wish, put a big smile on my face. I carried on with fresh ingredients shopping for dinner deliveries tonight. Most dishes are slow cooked hearty options.

For some strange reason, I love ingredients shopping the day of. I know this could end up a disaster and doesn’t make sense cost wise. But I find it therapeutic. It’s my “happy hour”. Today, just like the past few days, I was humming my new favorite song in my head, picking out the best ingredients I could get my hands on, and feeling the weird satisfaction. I can’t stop my brain constantly thinking what I can make later, searching for inspirations. I never really put this much thoughts into my desk job before.

I am turning 38 today, it’s funny, because it’s such a large number that I almost forgot, had to think which year this is, and back calculate if I was 38 or 39. Guess there is no need to rush to next birthday! I have probably been through half of my life already. WOW! Looking back, a lot has happened, I am sure there are plenty more to go. I am very happy where I am at today. Things could be better a lot of the times, but everything had to happen in this way, in this order, for me to be where I am today, meet everyone I have met and keep in contact with everyone I do.

I keep reminding myself, especially when I go through a hard time about something, it has to happen this way. I try to focus on what’s my take away from it, and what could I do better next time to avoid being hurt, or hurting others. I have done a lot of thinking. For the past half of my life, have I been doing what I love, or did I settle in something everyone else does, or just because I needed to make a living? Was I too scared of losing the comfort and keep doing something I was OK with but not passionate about?

I am scared to take leaps, scared of changes, scared to say thank you but no to opportunities to possibly get back into the warm blanket of writing procedures and getting my pay checks. Certainly, there are other reasons why it would not be my option anyway. But I didn’t have to invest my time and effort taking this chance to dive into cooking. I knew I could cook, but I was always second doubting myself, yeah they tell me it’s good, probably because they want to be nice. I am so happy I did. I feel happy and appreciated, and it’s so rewarding when total strangers tell me they love my food and come back and want more. I am so happy little kids says my lamb is delicious! Everyday, these comments put a huge smile on my face.

I know a lot of people around me couldn’t believe that I earned my Master’s degree in Engineering, worked for over a decade in Oil and Gas as an engineer, this is what I am doing. I know it’s hard for the mind to change, I grew up in this culture too. If you don’t have a desk and a computer at work, you are a failure. But, should I live up to other’s people’s expectation and not to be excited about what I do everyday, or should I do what makes me happy and feeling great? I never really put any thoughts to this. I was so busy making ends meet and making others proud. A lot of us are living this life today. With all the extra time I have for thinking nowadays, I choose the latter.

This is my life, I need to find what makes me happy. I don’t want to look back in another 38 years, and say, I was never passionate about what I do.